May

“we got problems.”

you guys, our time at west beverly is almost over! are you sad? are you worried? because, y’know, brandon’s going to california university and brenda’s going to minnesota and ahhhhndrea is going to yale and nobody else seems to know what they’re doing… WHAT WILL BECOME OF US NEXT YEAR???

well, you’ll just have to wait and see. for now, we’re all trying to get out of west bev alive… today’s episode, entitled ‘a night to remember’ (and oh boy is it ever), leaves the ability of all our people to get out of west bev somewhat up in the air. as for problems, we’ve got political indifference, wardrobe guidelines, datelessness, sexual plans, sexual offers, brandon walsh DANCING, and puking in the bathroom at prom. hold on to your halter tops, people, and lets jump in. Continue reading →

6 days ago Short URL Comments

boozing/brandon walsh dances/brandon walsh gambling man/EVIL FELICE/omg prom/senior stuff/sex

May

“guys, she can get therapy later. let’s go.”

alrighty guys, this is an episode of light comic relief before we hit the homestretch of prom and commencement. question: are you totally over high school? are you ready to bust out of west beverly and head to california university? unfortunately for you, the gang isn’t quite done yet.

however, this week, our problems are rather less heavy than they have been. everyone’s basically conquered everything that happened to them this season. kelly’s eating disorder is totally cured. david’s musical career is forgotten, as is his need to pass 27 classes. ahhhhhhhhhhndrea has not a care in the world. brandon’s gambling is totes done. dylan’s completely over the death of his dad and that article he’s been slaving away on seems to be but a distant memory as well. donna, as usual, is peachy keen. you’d think they’d have no problems at all! OH BUT WAIT.

what do you do when a hot girl can’t pay for breakfast? how should you react when your purse is stolen? or your car? how can one survive a day at magic mountain when one is crippled by fear? while this is kind of a lame episode overall, it does offer some things you might never have had the imagination to ask for: roller coasters, cons, car chases, awkward sexual metaphors, dylan mckay dressed as bacteria, and a pithy analysis of steve’s failings as a human being. get ready, it’s SENIOR DITCH DAY!

Continue reading →

19 days ago Short URL Comments

senior stuff/sex

Apr

“think dateage… and bring condoms because i feel lucky.”

our big, long march to the brutal end of high school at west beverly is about to begin in earnest. today, we’re gearing up for the remaining six episodes- most of which deal with ‘senior things’- with the episode ‘the senior poll.’ so-called because, in this episode, the phrase ‘the senior poll’ is repeated a ridiculous number of times.

problems we are solving today: how to act nonchalant about the senior poll… how to react graciously when you are a total loser in the senior poll… how to find a date for friday night… how to keep one’s options open for college… how to make a half-court shot… how to get your BF to pose in a picture with you for the senior poll… how to save a summer camp. Continue reading →

33 days ago Short URL Comments

college/dating/eating disorders :(/parents/senior stuff

Apr

“we all have to stop making ourselves nuts about the past.”

hey ya’ll. today, kelly’s diet pill plot line goes ka-boom. problems we’re solving… what to do when your friend’s super competitive and wants you to go on a game show with him? what to do when you can’t find a place to hold your BFF’s surprise party? what to do when the girl who wound up with the guy you love is having a birthday? what to do when your girlfriend is addicted to diet pills? what to do when your super competitive friend winds up with the girl you wanna get with? what to do when the game show you’ve just won gets in the way of your being at your BFF’s b-day? and- SO IMPORTANT- what to do when david has eaten the last banana? Continue reading →

41 days ago Short URL Comments

birthdaze/dating/eating disorders :(

Apr

“people do what they want to do.”

ALL OF THE THINGS, ya’ll! for reals. everything that has been simmering for the last eternity (brandon’s gambling, kelly’s eating, david’s musical career), tonight it goes BOOM! well… ok, maybe it’s more of a light bang. if we have learned anything from this season of 90210 it is that plots, like baby elephants, are slow to be born and there’s still 7 episodes left of the season.

today we’ve got ‘duke’s bad boy’ and, as per usual, so many problems. what to do when your boyfriend’s music totally sucks? what to do when you don’t know how to talk to your boyfriend anymore? what to say when your BFF is taking diet pills? how to ask someone to do something for you when they’ve just said they like you because you don’t ask anything of them? how to get into AP english when you’ve missed the first 6 months of class? what to do when you’ve lied to your dad and you don’t have the money? Continue reading →

48 days ago Short URL Comments

brandon walsh gambling man/eating disorders :(/writing can be helpful

Apr

spring break!

we’ll be back next week with All Of The Things: brandon’s gambling! kelly’s hatred of meat loaf! brenda’s future! prom! DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!

brace yourselves. it is coming…

54 days ago Short URL Comments

admin

Mar

“they whacked him because he was a bad guy.”/”it was just sort of a last minute death.”/”these chips are so salty.”

ok, ya’ll remember where we were? we’re halfway through how to cope with alcoholism in the wake of your dad’s death, how to cope with the press in the wake of your dad’s death, how to cope with your girlfriend in the wake of your dad’s death, how to cope with staying in your ex-girlfriend’s parent’s house in the wake of your dad’s death, and how to cope with the fact that people are totally out to get you in the wake of your dad’s death. SO.MUCH.COPING.

plus all the coping of all the other people who aren’t dylan mckay.

basically, guys, we’re powering through, because funerals ARE awkward. therefore, an episode about a funeral is kind of unpleasant as well. but let’s do this. as frenchbrenda would say: PART DUAHHHHHHHHHH! Continue reading →

62 days ago Short URL Comments

dylan mckay drinks/funerals :(

Mar

“funerals are awkward for everybody.”

omg, you guys, it’s been forev! where were we? oh yes, sad sad times…

today, we’ve got ‘the child is father to the man.’ (question: is this title a reference to something else? some other cultural thing? because i do not understand it. help!) because this one’s a bit of a doozy and because i’ve limited time in which to get it done if i’m to meet the totally arbitrary deadline i’ve set for myself on these silly things, we’re gonna take this one in two parts. today… PART ONE! or, as frenchbrenda would say, PART OOON. Continue reading →

69 days ago Short URL 1 Comment

addiction/brandon walsh gambling man/dylan mckay drinks/funerals :(

Feb

a brief word brought to you by 2013 dylan mckay

so that was quite a cliff hanger i left you on… NO FRET! i’m temporarily internetless whilst moving into a new flat. but we will resume our regular programming very very soon and, i promise, it will have been worth the wait. LEGENDARY, ya’ll. wait for it…

87 days ago Short URL Comments

admin

Feb

“it’s time we learned how to defend ourselves.”/”it just feels like everything’s changing.”

oh ya’ll. in my mind, season 3 of beverly hills 90210 gets reduced to pretty much one thing: DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES. but that’s rather ungenerous of me because SO.MUCH.SHIT happens before she does. today’s episode, ‘dead end’, might seem a bit pedestrian at first. there’s lots ‘o problems as usual (what to do when you’ve come into money but can’t get your hands on it fast enough! what to do to defend yourself! what to do when you’ve dug yourself some gambling debt and spent all your money on skis! what to do when you’ve picked a record deal over your BFF!) blah blah blah, and then… BOOM.

wait for it…