hey ya’ll

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unfortunately, as you probably guessed by now, due to life becoming entirely too busy and my own college career, we’ve stopped solving problems with 90210. but please please do dig into the archives and enjoy the recaps. xoxo.

 

“you’re young, your youth is calling out to you.”

oh ya’ll. are you ready for BRENDA WALSH RAGE MONSTER? yeah, it’s coming. BRACE! BRACE!

this week, we’re up to “otherwise engaged”, wherein brenda deals with the aftermath of her impetuous engagement of last week, ahhhhhhndrea audits one scene where she says nothing, steve starts digging the whole he’s going to spend half the season digging out of, dylan pretends he’s team brenda, kelly and david have a sibling spat, donna does nothing but try to calm them down, and brandon very nearly beds the older woman. so problems? yeah. always.

what to do when you’re hot for your favorite teacher’s wife? what not to do when the love of your life is engaged to someone else and her dad asks you to dissuade her? what to do when your dad’s ex-wife sues him and your mother’s nervous breakdown is brought up? and should you really sign a prenup? all this and more…  Continue reading

“being armed and dangerous is not gonna solve all my problems.”

so here we are at the remaining 3/4s of the episode entitled ’20 years ago today’. since we technically started this last week, let’s dive right in…

jimbo and cindy have been married for 20 years! Continue reading

“i know your dad got blown away, but this isn’t the answer, man.”

so, in weird things…  we’ve arrived at ‘twenty years ago today’, an episode that i’ve already 1/4 recapped before. so let’s do the 1/4 this week and the remaining 3/4ths next. the weird thing is that my prior recapping of that 1/4 makes absolutely no sense, as you’ll see. so if you’re thinking this is the most wackadoo episode ever organizationally, it isn’t. it’s just  my recapping that’s wackadoo. alright? admin over. here’s what i wrote a year ago:

next week: the triumphant return of patchworkpants and The Fall of Dealing With Last Summer’s Betrayals. this week: a quick flashforward to 90210: the college years, which brings us to this question… hey, do you remember why we’re here? why we’re solving problems with 90210 in the first place? it’s because there are fundamental differences between the television programming of the 90s and the television programming of whatever decade it is that we’re in now (the teens? the twelves?). the primary difference being that in the 90s, television tackled big issues while today, television- by and large- tackles jackshit. my only proof in support of this hypothesis is the fact that every single episode ever made of gossip girl has revolved around the throwing of a party. (no, really. go back. watch them. every. single. one.) what further proof can you possibly need?

in contrast, shows like saved by the bell and 90210, while admittedly fluffy/melodramatic/cheesy/[insert derogatory adjective here], actually managed to tackle their fair share of important stuff along the way. and so we have the sbtbepisodes on drunk driving, drug use and homelessness, and the 90210 episodes on abstinence, condom distribution in schools, school districting, gang violence, kidnapping, custodial issues for divorced dads, bigotry, post-traumatic stress, the treatment of veterans post-war, pregnancy, abortion, hazing, inter-racial dating, cocaine addiction, mental illness, virginity, AIDS, drag racing, election fraud, drinking policies at proms and the proper etiquette for the negotiation of record deals (seriously- this list is infinite, there is not an issue of the 90s that 90210 did not touch).

whereas gossip girl just leaves us wondering if chuck and blair will ever be together and who gossip girl is, 90210 asked the really really important questions…

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“it’s gotta be rough getting your car jacked”/”naked is good”

so season 4’s gotten pretty intense pretty fast, non? problems? out the wazoo. brenda’s dating a guy named stuart (enough said). ahhhhhhhhndrea’s in a secret relationship where she can’t even hold hands in public. steve’s making B’s (wha?!) whilst brandon’s sucking up to the teach. david has a simmering drug problem that isn’t even being discussed and dylan? omg, dylan. dumped AND carjacked, all in one night. so yeah, whoever told these kids college was going to be the time of their lives = total vicious liars. in fact, their problems are so numerous, they’ve barely got time for class.

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“whoever said college was the best years of our lives… vicious liars.”

so here we are at ‘strangers in the night’- which only ever makes me thing of murray slaughter putting the moves on georgette franklin’s recently divorced friend when he takes her a piano and plays/sings ‘strangers in the night’ on the mary tyler moore show. don’t know it? you should!!! anyways, that’s where we are. season 4, ‘strangers in the night’. please appreciate with me that this episode originally aired on 13 october 1993, and we are now reconsidering it on 14 october 2013, exactly 20 years and 1 day later. huzzah. for some reason that fills me with a sense of accomplishment.

so, problems… yeah, we got ’em. what to do when your car dies? what to do when your girlfriend wants to see other people? what to do when you’re the girlfriend who wants to see other people and your boyfriend just wants to have sex? what to do when you’ve just had sex and you’re a woman now? what to do when the guy you’ve just had sex with wears truly horrible pants? what to do when all of your friends have college lives and you’re all by your lonesome? what if you get to college and turn into a horrible slob? what if your boyfriend is said person who’s turned into a horrible slob? and, lastly, what if your dad sets you up with a guy named stuart? all this and more this week on PS90210…

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“well, everyone’s allowed to make a mistake.”

so, in contemplating our two weeks at college, i’ve noticed a trend… there’s been a party every week. and whilst a know two times does not make a trend, this would prove steve’s assertion that we’re at ‘party USA.’ it would also suggest that this is the point at which 90210 turned into gossip girl. just saying. let’s keep our peepers peeled and see if my theory holds up: that- much like season 3 was like season 3 of mad men– season 4 is like every episode ever of gossip girl.

where are we? CLASSES, ya’ll. i mean, we’ve been here a month so that seems about right, non? that our characters should finally be getting some education after all those placement tests and all that socializing.

problems to be solved: what to do when your early morning radio show that no one listens to is totally destroying your life? when a totally creepy guy is really into you, what is the absolute worst possible way to respond to his advances? what if your RA is your english teacher and he totally doesn’t get you and you have a thing for older guys? what if your best friend writes a lame essay everybody loves whilst yours sounds stilted and like you have no soul? what if you really really need a job? what if you really really can’t find one? what if your high school relationship just isn’t doing it for you anymore and you’re feeling really tied down? all that and more plus  a dose of david silver’s dancing, this week on 90210…

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“are you saying that there’s anti-semitism?”/”the next jack kennedy, right here.”/”god, i love college.”

alrighty, ya’ll. starting to feel settled into good old california university? starting to know your way around? yeah, our gang still feel like fish out of water, a feeling pledge week does nothing to ease. this week, so many things, so many problems.

what do you do when you think the sorority house you want to get into is anti-semitic? what happens when your girlfriend wants you to disco and you just wanna read a book?  what if pledging is the only way to stay close to your friends but you’re not really a joiner? what should you do when you’re mistaken for your brother’s girlfriend? what should you do when you’re burning the candle at both ends for a radio show no one is listening to? what if you’re the candidate of a political party full of lames? what if your political career is over before it even really began? all that and more in episode 4: ‘greek to me’… Continue reading

“it’s party USA. everybody knows this.”

truth: i don’t know that 90210 has ever looked so 90s as it does in this one episode. you’ll see.

so, today, in season 4, episode 3 “little fish”, as you’ll also see, we’re solving lots ‘o problems: what do you do when you have to stand in a really really long line for eons? what if you don’t know what you want to do with your life? what if you do exceptionally well on a placement test because you cheated off the person next to you? what if you got a truly HORRENDOUS hair cut over the summer? (et tu, brando?) what if your gf burned your demo reel? and, lastly, should you totally panic when your bf drops out of college and spends all day fishing with his ex? all these problems and more… Continue reading

SO.

i got halfway through writing this post and then wordpress got all angsty and everything was lost. which made me mad. so i went over here and wrote about my boyfriend adrien brody instead. so go read that for today and then, once my tech-rage has subsided, PS90210 should be back tomorrow with all sorts of excitingments. it’s registration day at CU, ya’ll. sharpen those #2s!!!

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